You know you’re a working Mum when…

Written on various sections of my commute; from train seats and floors, on the underground, and on cold rainy platforms waiting for delayed trains 28/11/2018

You know you’re a working Mum when…

You get home after a two and a half hour battle, I mean journey – you needed the loo before you left the office in London but by the time you realised you were wedged, yes wedged, on a train home, with someone’s umbrella up your backside, someone’s back-pack in your face, and the potent smell of loads of commuters eating the first course of their evening meal (aka secret Burger King meal bought at Paddington).

So upon walking in the door you dump your bags and head straight for the downstairs loo and your toddler who heard you arrive proceeds to cry that you appear to be hiding from them, pulling at the half shut door. Your toddler is so excited to see you so desperately tries to climb up your legs laddering your tights and after initially protesting that you want to pee in peace, you’ve in fact missed them so much that you grab them and sit them firmly on your lap while you proceed to tinkle. The grin from ear to ear. In fact you both do. Reunited again, sat on the loo together! You even stay sat there for a while afterwards with your knickers and tights at your ankles, with your happy toddler on your lap playing with the basin taps that he can reach.

You know you’re a working Mum when…

You get home and amazingly manage to make it in time for your toddlers dinner so after feeding your toddler who it appears is now eating adult size portions of Bolognese, you clean them up and take them out of the high chair and en route to the lounge they communicate very clearly with their new assertive babbling that they want a sausage from the dish on the side to hold, despite you trying to persuade them otherwise they insist on having the sausage. You are full of working mum guilt so you give in and hand them said sausage and despite trying to distract your child once in the lounge with 5,456 toys, they will not let go, and you completely give in to the hot greasy sausage being waved around the room and wiped all over the CREAM carpet, and raspberry red chenille sofa (your pride and joy furniture piece prior to becoming a mother). Mum guilt means your boundaries are constantly pushed as you just want to enjoy them as much as possible in what little time you have, so tears are avoided, even at the cost of the poor sofa.

You know you’re a working Mum when…

You are absolutely shattered after yet another day in the London office, and once again face the battle to escape the big smoke for somewhere far greener and cleaner with dreams of seeing your little person before they go to sleep, your eyes widen at the thought that you might even make it back in time to feed them their night time bottle, and in your keenness, lost in your dream, instead of getting your train ticket out ready when you arrive at Paddington, you get your car key out. You haven’t even got on the train to your home town yet. Good one.

You know you’re a working Mum when…

You are in the midst of a text conversation with your lovely childminder about how your little one is getting on and she asks if you can provide a list of words your son is saying so that she can reinforce them when he is with her. You reply that they aren’t saying any words yet and just still babbling lots. You don’t think much of it as you’re aware that all children develop skills at different paces and are totally comfortable with that…. That night I got home to find my little boys journal filled in by his childminder for me to read….. to my shock (and delight) I read the latest entry sharing how impressed she is that my boy is communicating so well and using such a great array of words! I didn’t actually know this. I was gobsmacked. I guess seeing him for such limited time in the week, (about half an hour a night if I’m lucky) means I’m not getting the full picture of how much he is progressing. I haven’t even got to the best bit yet. The update also included that my toddler was indeed calling the childminder by her name. My baby boy still doesn’t say Mumma to me. Ouch.

And in the same way that these extracts of my life are both funny and a bit tough in places, so is being a Mum who works. On the one hand it is brilliant to be able to get back to the workplace, use my skills and make an impact, enjoy all the adult interaction, continue my career and professional development, earn a salary again – but it is also very tough. Being away from your baby for so many hours every day is very hard indeed, you miss them in a way that is indescribable – I see little ones on the tube sometimes and it makes you wonder what your own baby is doing, what is he playing / eating / climbing? – that feeling takes the air out of your lungs and crushes you inside.

And it feels like they grow up so much faster when you don’t see them much, for every proud moment when they show you something new they can do, you wince inside as you realise how much they have learnt this week, while you’ve been at work in an air-conned cage, yes we all know it can be a bit of a zoo at work.

The bills need paying, and that won’t ever change, but I know I’ll never get this time back with my baby boy. Working full time hours, with a commute is tough, and it’s important to note here that there are a wide array of options for Mums and families in terms of working hours / job choices / locations / childcare and not one size will ever fit all. We must just all be kind to ourselves and each other while we navigate these options and chapters of our lives; and also to be aware that the choices made by all of us aren’t always as clear cut as we’d like to think they are. We often have grand plans that we make on our Maternity Leave… and these often look different in reality. Well for most of us anyway.

Give yourself a break every once in a while, whatever that means for you – it’s critical you’re able to recharge. A G&T after work, a bacon roll on the way in to work, a secret Burger King on the way home, a bubble bath, a gym session, a night out with friends – whatever it takes make it happen so you can get up and do it all again the next day.

I’d love to hear if you relate to any of these or it you have any of working mum extracts to share so please feel free….