Real mums

We all have good days and bad days, and that certainly hasn’t changed since I’ve become a mum. It’s real life isn’t it. I’ve lost count the number of times I have either said or text ‘#mumfail’ when chatting with my mum friends. This particular hashtag has become a staple part of my vocabulary. Not always in a negative or self deprecating way, but a quick and easy way of acknowledging and illustrating my thoughts on something I had, or more often the case, hadn’t done. When this happens we can sometimes feel overwhelmed with ‘Mum-guilt’. “Why didn’t I do it right / know what he needed / remember to do that????? How could I have been so stupid”.

Some of these #mumfails have been pretty funny on reflection, and some of these a little worrying at the time – but never life threatening and always recoverable! But as we all know, being a mum however rewarding, isn’t easy, there is so much to learn, so much to remember and to aid it all, so little sleep!

This combination is bound to provide the perfect backdrop for a number of #mumfails. So here are a few of mine, mixed with a few I have heard along the way…..

Top 10 #mumfails:

1. When despite the 63 toys taking over your living room, your baby is focused on eating bits of leaf / fluff / miscellaneous from the carpet because you haven’t found time to hoover.
2. When your husband “helpfully” collapses the buggy, even though you go out walking everyday, to keep the hall tidy and you fall over it head over heels on your way down the stairs.
3. When you are at your NCT coffee morning at a friends house, changing your baby’s nappy, you realise they’ve had a ‘poonami’ right up to their neck (aka explosive nappy) and you didn’t bring a spare change of clothes.
4. When you realise you have run out of food for your baby, while they are sat in the highchair eagerly awaiting their lunch, so you give them breakfast (aka banana slop). Again.
5. When you are a mile up the road on your way to baby sensory and you look in your rear view mirror to check on baby, and you see the side of their face – you suddenly realise this is not your normal view point so you pull over. When you open their car door to see them facing you – you forgot to swivel the car seat to rear facing.
6. When your baby falls off the bed. On to a hard floor. Again.
7. When you text your OH the shopping list and you apparently completely forget you have a baby and you miss off nappies and baby food. When you share this revelation with your partner when they get home, they respond; ‘yes, I thought that was odd but then just figured we didn’t need any’. Great. #doubleparentfail
8. When you are sat on your mum friends couch feeding your baby and so much milk is collecting around your baby’s face and baby doesn’t seem totally relaxed. And your mum friend kindly suggests you may want to try a teat in a bigger size, and that she has a sterilised one in her bag if you wanted to use it, like right now. You just didn’t think about the teat before now. You didn’t realise they came in different sizes. It made so much sense. You gratefully accept. Your baby then feeds calmly and happily. With no milk spillage.
9. When you are meant to be attending your newborn photo shoot but you end up in the woods on a narrow track six miles away from the actual studio with no clue where you are, with your baby screaming in the car seat. This is the first time you have taken your baby out in the car alone.
10. When you, baby and OH go for brunch with friends and a drink is bought for you. You’re taking codeine and diclofenac for your back injury. You’re sure it’s a mocktail as it is the same as what your pregnant friend is drinking. From brunch you go straight to Tesco to do a family food shop. You get out the car only to realise you are drunk. At 1pm. On a Sunday. At Tesco.

In my earlier days as a Mum I used to beat myself up about some of these things, I really did. At some very low times, even just fleetingly, I have even questioned my ability as a human, let alone as a Mum. But here I am, eight and a half months down the line, and I realise how normal these kinds of events are, and how these moments are all just part of real Mum life. I believe they are in fact what make you a Mum. We are operating on very little sleep, doing a job we have no experience in, it’s no wonder we make a few blunders now and again.

In society we are great at finding blame, remembering the bad days, but not so good at remembering or celebrating the times when things work out great, big or small. Life is full of ups and downs, it is essentially just a sequence of good and bad events (hopefully far more good than bad!) So I think it’s really important to make sure that as Mums we dont beat ourselves up and we acknowledge the moments when we are winning, however small they may seem…… #mumwins. From today onwards I’m going to include this new hashtag in conversation too!

Here is a list of a few that come to mind….

1. When you pull up at the petrol station to a pump on the correct side of your car that you’ve had for eight years. (Yes, since being a mum it amazes me how many times I haven’t!!)
2. When you are able to fit comfortably into your pre pregnancy knickers again. Whoop whoop! There is hope!
3. When you have not only washed your hair, you have conditioned AND dried your hair too. You now feel like a supermodel.
4. When you manage to attend a wedding with your baby just 3 weeks after giving birth. This isn’t for the faint hearted but I managed it. (just about).
5. When you are able to complete a load of washing, (yes it actually makes it to the tumble drier as well without having to be re washed) AND both you and your baby have eaten today AND you have been out of the house for a walk / a sensory class / NCT coffee morning.
6. When your baby is smiling at you because they are happy.

From my experience since having a baby my life has really slowed down, compared to how it used to be; even if time overall it is flying by. My days are no longer filled with a million interactions, meetings, social events, chores, travels, phone calls, plans. It’s ultimately all about Leo. This slower pace can help us to appreciate the good bits. Don’t let the #mumfails get you down, take a step back. Laugh. Forgive yourself. Your baby does.

As long as you and your baby are safe that is all that matters. Having breakfast three times in one day doesn’t make you a crap mum, and isn’t going impact your baby’s employment ability, nor is the leaf they ate, or that day you both got lost. So learn to laugh at those desperate moments and give yourself a break! And remember to celebrate the times when you are winning. If you’re anything like me, I bet the #mumwins happen more than you give yourself credit for.

So come on, now it’s your turn, what are your favourite #mumfails and #mumwins? Please share in the comments below and let others know what an amazing #realmum you are!